Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize