If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize