We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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