Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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