found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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