I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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