his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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