Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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