haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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