Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize