i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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