Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize