My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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