There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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