Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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