i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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