i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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