Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize