just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize