After last night, I could never be a politician.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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