well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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