im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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