I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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