I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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