Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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