Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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