she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need water and some morals
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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