and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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