3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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