matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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