bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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