based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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