Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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