my mouth tastes like poor choices
I CAN MOONWALK!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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