I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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