Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize