He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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