youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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