Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize