I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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