Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize