Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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