I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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