Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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