i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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