george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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