Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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