Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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