im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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