I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize